New Beginnings

Growing up, I was always the kid with new notebooks, newly sharpened pencils, and a first day of school outfit, sitting in the front of the class to make a good impression with the new teacher. How little things change: I woke up this morning early with my brand new planner, a detailed schedule, and all my tasks ready to go.

Starting something new can be exhilarating: you have a blank page and anything is possible. I have all my new markers and pens, lined up by type and in color order. All mistakes, challenges, insecurities of my past can fade away. The January 2025 version of Katie can do anything!

And yet, starting something new is also terrifying: you have a blank page. I find myself sledding down (see what I did there, happy snow day!) Maslow’s hierarchy. When I had safety and security, I could dream of big ideas; today I’m focused on uploading contacts to my CRM. I’m rereading the notes in my “nice things” folder. I’m leaning more heavily on friends and former colleagues to reassure me that I still belong.

In practice, I know I’m fine - my family and I are safe. But the adrenalin reaction I’m experiencing now is the same as if I were on the prairie being chased by a lion. The challenge in focusing, procrastination, and rapid attention switching: all are because my brain senses a threat and is prepared to respond.

I’ve been telling myself that the emotional rollercoaster is normal; it’s ok to feel my feelings. And in the meantime, I keep making new lists when I’m feeling good and crossing things off when I’m feeling down.

Sidebar: an excellent anxiety reliever is watching a golden retriever play in the snow!